This is my senior will. It was especially requested so here it is.


I David Burbach being of malnourished mind and submersible body do bequeath the following:

Stephen - mindless, nonsensical Stephen babble and terrible ideas. Have fun in Georgia.
Late nights killing possums that turns creepy fast

Jacob - at least 4 showers a day, being late for everything….EVERYTHING the world’s funniest vehicle outside the Oscar Meyer wiener mobile.

Jessie - I leave to you the weirdest guys EVER especially the guy in blockbuster who lived in a morgue with a girl name Lucy Fur.

Brian- uh I guess keep dressing that way ‘cause its cool? I guess we’ll fight less when I’m in college, not that we fight much anymore.

Bingham- vegetating with drool, stupid stupid unintimidating verbal threats

Marshall- Molotov cocktails gone horrible askew, being trapped at your house cause of snow, and all the rest of it that would fill 10 pages to right out

Stewart- drive by’s with bb guns, paintball, playing with fire… A LOT and somehow staying out jail.

Kevin- Wha’ Happened? and early morning Bible examination. All I can say is that it’s gonna take a special girl.

Jaye- Wheel chair into guy on lawnmower, run away then try it again

BJ- raptor, seizure, raptor of different persuasion and of course, “ what about the stuff gophers eat?” and temperachur

Alex- crazy rock shows every weekend (almost)

Al Gore- thanks for the internet

Jamie- the viper wasn’t stolen but you know that. Sorry for everything I did, thanks for everything you did. And beating the crap out of me when we were young.

Mark- the total ludicrous jankablility of all forms of posters on any wall at any time. and gorts. Plus nasty bathrooms in rock clubs

Dustin- you scare off girls, I’m serious. Really fast reckless driving in crappy, really crappy cars

Ray- you’re one big teddy bear

Will- dude we’re screwed. did you do it? NO. Me neither. You’re SOOOO sleazy.


Mrs. Bowie- thanks for calling the cops all those times, if it weren’t for you we might have gotten arrested.

Tara- That look will always work on me. I’ll come to your Quaker church eventually I promise. If a creepy guy asks for your number give him mine.

Tiphani- umm sorry for making so much fun of Hayworth, although I’m not going to stop.

Brad- you’ll probably never read this either but you’re the man, keep up the evangelism in Waffle House.

Andy- I can’t wait to hear how God uses you in the future.

Ben- talking about music, scaring you away from OFY even though you live next door, trying to figure out the point of some strange things. Thanks for the Blimpy’s.

AP Physics- stupid comments that wouldn’t make sense to anyone else.

Liz- sorry for pelting you with snowballs that one time

Other Jamie- though you’ll never read this, you turned out alright after all. Thanks for not telling my parents about all that stuff you could’ve told them about.

Everyone I forgot- sorry I’m a scumbag get over it.

To Coy, and Frank- thanks for the leadership, I hope I can still be of some help in college.

To everyone’s parents- thanks for not getting to mad when we wrecked your house. Thanks for the food.

To my parents- thanks for not getting to mad when I wrecked your house. Thanks for the food.

Pitaki- you’re a gumba

Adam Smith- RAIN X, and you can’t drive……at all………..ever.

Zack Kennedy- you better marry the Jacqueline girl, cause then you’d be married to Jackie Kennedy which is CAHRAZY.