as we mouth our silent goodbyes

I was on the corner of a bridge in downtown Matlacha Florida last Wednesday afternoon when the call came that Israel had died. Now I wasn't particularly close to him personally, more close to the circle of friends he ran in, closer to his wife ect. His death surprised me so much more than it should have I think. Even though over the past few years I've watched him get skinnier and skinnier, his face become gaunt and stretched, seen him walk with less and less grace, I always just kind of figured it had to get worse before it got better, only old people really die of cancer right? So, now that he's gone I find myself back at the old human thing again, trying to explain it away. Trying to make up some reason for it that will fit with my religion, fit with what I want to believe about the world. But in the end I don't know why, and I think that I just want to be ok with that, just because I don't understand doesn't mean I need to. So goodbye Israel, I'll see you soon.